Cosmic Counsel is my monthly feature where I ask the cards for advice on tough problems, relevant real-life issues, and existential questions.
Last year, after realizing I’d been single for going on two years, I decided to sign myself up on a dating site, fill out a profile, and see if I could meet someone. I was hoping that even if I didn’t meet a significant other, it could still be a way of meeting new people.
The results of this foray were frustrating, like banging my head against the wall repeatedly type frustrating.
After about two months of having my profile up, it went like so:
- dozens of one-word messages from desperate guys.
- several sexually explicit, harassing messages.
- a girl that fizzled out after only three dates because we just didn’t click.
- a total of 0 viable long-term romantic partners.
I’m sure lots of people have been in the same position of trying to date online and being met with disappointing, disheartening results.
I decided to consult the cards for advice on finding love in the digital age. Maybe they will have words of wisdom for us all.
Keep an open mind.
The Fool is a card of no preconceived notions. This means don’t expect too much out of dating online, and keep your expectations to a minimum. Take the pressure off of yourself, and the whole process will be a lot more fun. Maybe you’ll meet your next romantic partner, maybe you won’t.
The temptation with online dating is that so many stories circulate about people who met their significant others, fell in love, and found their spouses online.
But guess what? Lots of people don’t. Lots of people go online for a few months, get nothing, and then take their profile down because it’s a fruitless search.
The Fool here is saying to take a leap of faith, sure. You never know what could happen, but don’t be too attached to any specific outcomes. Online dating comes down to a lot of luck and serendipity, just like everything else in life.
Try not to stick to the specific type of person that you’re typically attracted to.
If you’re used to say, dating professional 9-5 types, try an artist or a traveler.
The beauty of dating online is that you have access to people wouldn’t normally encounter through your usual social circle. Refrain from being superficial or making snap judgments about people. Just because somebody seems like a person you wouldn’t normally be interested in romantically doesn’t mean they would be a bad match.
Date online as a way to experiment and explore new possibilities in your love life without calculated efforts or high expectations.
3 of Cups
Look for friendship, not romance.
When I pull the 3 of Cups in a reading, it is usually an indicator of platonic friendships, fun hangouts, and non-monogamous relationships. Even if you are looking for a steady partner, this is interesting advice.
The cards are saying if someone doesn’t seem like a person you could be genuinely friends with, don’t date them.
Instead of boring dinners as a first date, go do a fun activity and see how you guys get along. When you interact with them, think about these questions – Are they fun? Do they make you laugh? Are you genuinely enjoying their company or is it a snooze-fest?
Essentially you should be thinking wow, this person is really cool outside of the physical attraction.
Hold off on getting sexually involved with someone too soon. Build a friendship first and figure out if the person is genuinely likeable before you get into bed with them.
Don’t commit to a single person off the bat. Shop around.
Talk to lots of different people at once, and go out on several dates before you settle on one person, if at all. Online dating means options, and you should be taking advantage of that. See who you genuinely click with, which can only be figured out through comparison.
Use online dating as a way to have fun, make friends, and get to know different kinds of people, not as a method of finding the love of your life.
Be objective and do your due diligence.
Unfortunately, the reality of being on the Internet is that fakes, scammers, and weirdos abound. People lie about their jobs, their relationship status, drug habits, fudge their ages, and of course upload pictures that grossly misrepresent their appearance.
When dating online, keep your eyes and ears peeled for anything suspicious. Ask very direct questions, take nothing for granted. If someone seems even remotely “off,” even if you can’t put your finger on exactly what, it’s fine to get rid of them. Don’t let anything slide. There are more fish in the sea where they came from.
Red flags are red flags for a reason, do not ignore them!
Be honest and up-front about yourself.
On the flipside, make sure you are representing yourself accurately, too. Don’t play yourself up or over-exaggerate just to impress. And don’t downplay yourself because you’re insecure. Be honest!
The person you want to attract has to be attracted to the real you, not a fake persona. Stick to your core values, who you are as a person, and don’t compromise on that. Make it extremely clear who you are about. Conduct yourself with honesty and integrity and expect all your romantic interests to do the same.
That’s all the advice the Tarot has for dating online! If you have any funny or horrific online dating stories, I’d love to read them. Leave a comment below.